did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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