Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
