no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
