i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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