I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
