I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
