They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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