So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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