She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
