Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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