My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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