So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
