We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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