Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
