went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
