I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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