And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
