That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
