You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
