We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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