Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
