how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
