We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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