Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
