guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
