Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
