Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
