I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
