I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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