Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
