feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
