Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
