Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
