I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
