when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
