I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
