You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
