my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
