They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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