is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
