I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
