roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
