As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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