dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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