i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
