Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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