Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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