well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I lost the right to judge tonight
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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