The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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