woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
