I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
