I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I touched a dick in church today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
