oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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