he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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